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Stephen Wright Quotes & Sayings

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33 entries tagged including 29 subtopics.
Last updated Dec 2023

Stephen Wright Topics

QUOTES

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, "What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!"

11 Likes

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24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

11 Likes

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I can later ask him what he meant.

15 Likes

Pregnancy quotes

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.

2 Likes

Television quotes

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

9 Likes

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I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.

2 Likes

Painting quotes

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

2 Likes

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

3 Likes

Language quotes

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

4 Likes

I invented the cordless extension cord.

0 Likes

Inventions quotes

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I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.

1 Likes

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

20 Likes

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all the time

1 Likes

Doing Your Best quotes

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

45 Likes

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."

15 Likes

Cheating quotes

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I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

2 Likes

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

1007 Likes

Birthday quotes

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

2 Likes

Bankers And Banks quotes

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'.

52 Likes

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

9 Likes

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