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Funny About Me Description Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny About Me Description" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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You marry because you lack of judgement, and divorce because you lack of patience, and you remarry because you lack of good memories.
Unknown
77 Likes
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Today is April Fools' Day. Believe nothing and trust no one... Just like any other day.
Unknown
857 Likes
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I was gonna clean my room, until I got high. I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high. My room is still messed up... and I know why.
Afroman
106 Likes
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They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fu..ing effort. There is a difference.
Bill Hicks
505 Likes
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Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.
Joel Hildebrand
8 Likes
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Men look at women's behinds and go: what an ass! Women look at men faces and go: what an ass!
Unknown
200 Likes
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I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job...and you ain't got sh*t to do. -Smokey
Friday
822 Likes
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That awkward moment when you're that one friend who always gives relationship advice, but is still single.
Unknown
177 Likes
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90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. 10% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.
Unknown
86 Likes
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King David and King Solomon Led merry, merry lives, With many, many lady friends And many, many wives; But when old age crept over them, With many, many qualms, King Solomon wrote the Proverbs And King David wrote the Psalms.
James Ball Naylor
27 Likes
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I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did. It's your father's lightsaber. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster, but an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times, before the Empire.
Alec Guinness
26 Likes
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People may think he's not perfect but in my mind he's beyond perfect when you're able to look into his eyes and see the real him. Having his arms wrapped around you because he cares more about you than anything, the way he says I love you and those cute little inside jokes nobody else would understand the way he giggles at your jokes even when they aren't even funny or the way he talks about you to his friends it makes you realize how much he means to you. His flaws make him perfect and when I'm around him I feel like everything's okay again and he's the solution to all my problems.
Unknown
564 Likes
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Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: -- ''I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.''
Mark Twain
12 Likes
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Men use love to get s... Women use s.. to get love. Me? I use coupons to get pizza.
Unknown
6 Likes
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You didn't want to be my friend in elementary school. You didn't want to be my friend in junior high school. And you certainly weren't my friend in high school. Why on Earth do you want to be my Facebook friend today?
William E Lewis Jr
179 Likes
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Face your problems don't Facebook your problems.
Unknown
1399 Likes
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People come into your life, and some of those people leave. People change. If they were real while they were in your life remember them that way. Life has a funny way of affecting people. Things happen. Make good memories and always keep moving forward. You're your own director in your own movie. Grant some people main rolls. Let some people play extras. But regardless of who you chose for the credits...Make sure you produce a movie that you're proud of.
Zach Taylor
84 Likes
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Facebook needs a Drama of the day section in my news feed.
Unknown
501 Likes
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a beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you been drinkin jack and coke all morning. she can make you feel high, for the single greatest comodity known to man - promise. promise of a better day, promise of a greater hope, promise of a new tomorrow. this particular aura, can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl, in her smile, in her soul, and the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like its gonna be ok
Unknown
187 Likes
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I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'
Bob Newhart
35 Likes
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