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Funny Tired Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Tired Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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O loss of sight, of thee I most complain! Blind among enemies, O worse than chains, dungeon or beggary, or decrepit age! Light, the prime work of God, to me is extinct, and all her various objects of delight annulled, which might in part my grief have eased. Inferior to the vilest now become of man or worm; the vilest here excel me, they creep, yet see; I, dark in light, exposed to daily fraud, contempt, abuse and wrong, within doors, or without, still as a fool, in power of others, never in my own; scarce half I seem to live, dead more than half.
John Milton
10 Likes
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Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance. Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair. Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage. Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy.
Unknown
704 Likes
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Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now averagewhich means, you have met your New Year's resolution.
Jay Leno
16 Likes
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Me? Behave? Seriously!! As a child I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arrived home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye smoked a pipe & had tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance & Shaggy and Scooby-doo were mystery solving hippies that always had the munchies. The fault is not mine!
Unknown
599 Likes
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If you hadn't seen what we looked like, you would have thought we were a punk band. I remember going down to the [London club] Roxy one night just to see what the punk thing was all about. I was standing at the bar, and this bush behind me said, "I used to sell acid at [Hawkwind's] all-night shows in King's Cross." And I turned around and it was Johnny Rotten. I remembered him: He used to have long hair, with pockets full of drugs. It's funny, though -- I never liked the Clash. They sounded like old music, dressed up as punk. The Ramones were geniuses, though. Joey especially had a nose for rock'n'roll, and we were friends, although we weren't close when he died. I hate to see people on the way out; I prefer to remember him as he was.
Motorhead
19 Likes
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What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good on this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?
JRR Tolkien
160 Likes
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The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse with the other s.. s..ually, at any time of life. During twenty-three days in every month (in the absence of pregnancy) from the time a woman is seven years old till she dies of old age, she is ready for action, and competent. As competent as the candlestick is to receive the candle. Competent every day, competent every night. Also, she wants that candle yearns for it, longs for it, hankers after it, as commanded by the law of God in her heart.
Mark Twain
17 Likes
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There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
98 Likes
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Theres good weird people and bad weird people. Good weird people are funny but the bad weird people are the ones you see wearing capes around.
Unknown
3 Likes
There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
17 Likes
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There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
23 Likes
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There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
24 Likes
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When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a friends Facebook account: 'I LOVE D*CK IN MY MOUTH!'
Unknown
843 Likes
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This year, I'm just making one New Year's resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.
Unknown
23 Likes
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10 Facts About You: 1. You're reading this. 2. You're realizing this is a stupid fact. 4. You didn't notice I skipped three. 5. You're checking now. 6. You're smiling. 7. You're still reading this even though it's stupid. 9. You didn't realize I skipped eight. 10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again. 11. You're enjoying this. 12. You didn't realize there's only supposed to be ten facts.
Unknown
248 Likes
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I sleep to much, Parents complain. Don't get enough sleep, Parents complain. I eat too much, Parents complain. I don't eat enough, Parents complain. I m always in my room, Parents complain. I go out too much, Parents complain. I CAN'T WIN!
Unknown
244 Likes
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I liked The DaVinci Code. It just had the concept. The core element of the concept of the book deals with whether or not Jesus had relatives and how they had to hide in these paintings every connection that came or might have led back to Jesus, and its crazy to me that they do shit like that. Is it because Jesus really aint no white boy and hes black? The Old Testament describes him as a black man. The New Testament, the King James version, is some ol funny-style shit. Just for the record, King James was, from my understanding, a homos..ual. I dont knock that, I just dont live by that. I follow the Old Testament.
Busta Rhymes
5 Likes
The grass is green, The sky is blue you fu..ed up on me, so now fu.. you you cheated & lied, I suffered & cried i guess to you this was all a game cuz it turns out we didnt feel the same times passing & I'm healing its funny how the tables turn cuz now its me who has you kneeling, begging for forgiveness & God is my witness. i loved you so much & I gotta admit at times I do miss your touch too bad you will always regret & I will never forget, all this pain you caused me is the reason you lost me but I know ill be ok i just hope one day you'll pay you should have thought about the consequences before cuz I dont want anything to do with you anymore
Patricia
274 Likes
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
Unknown
8 Likes
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There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
37 Likes
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