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Mitch Hedburnus Funny Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Mitch Hedburnus Funny" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...
Mitch Hedberg
19 Likes
Funny quotes
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All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Mitch Hedberg
3 Likes
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
Mitch Hedberg
18 Likes
Funny quotes
Happy quotes
I remember Mitch Miller saying every week, This rock and roll stuff will never last. But one doesn't like to bring that up to Mitch.
Rosemary Clooney
1 Likes
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
24 Likes
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I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
63 Likes
Funny quotes
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
71 Likes
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Plants quotes
I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Mitch Hedburg
10 Likes
Funny quotes
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I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Mitch Hedberg
24 Likes
Food quotes
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Keep it simple, keep it s..y, keep it sad.
Mitch Miller Mitch Miller
2 Likes
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My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.
Mitch Hedberg
6 Likes
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I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
Mitch Hedberg
38 Likes
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I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
Mitch Hedberg
163 Likes
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Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns
Mitch Ratcliffe
3 Likes
Computers quotes
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It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny how forever never seems to last, it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past, it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down, it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, it's funny how people change and think they're so much better, it's funny how some many lies are packed into one love letter, it's funny how one night can hold so much regret, it's funny how you can forgive but not forget, it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me.
Unknown
565 Likes
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My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.
Mitch Hedberg
69 Likes
Funny quotes
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I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
Mitch Hedberg
5 Likes
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.
Mitch Hedberg
8 Likes
Funny quotes
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I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide...
Mitch Hedberg
20 Likes
Funny quotes
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Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'
Mitch Hedberg
27 Likes
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