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Understanding Women Funny Quotes & Sayings

Showing search results for "Understanding Women Funny" sorted by relevance. 14991 matching entries found.

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From time to time, life as a leader can look hopeless. To help you, consider a man who lived through this: Failed in business at age 31. Defeated for the legislature at 32. Again failed in business at 34. Sweetheart died at 35. Had a nervous breakdown at 36. Defeated in election at 38. Defeated for Congress at 43. Defeated for Congress at 46. Defeated for Congress at 48. Defeated for Senate at 55. Defeated for Vice President at 56. Defeated for Senate at 58. Elected President at age 60. This man was Abraham Lincoln.

24 Likes

All sincere boys fall in love with stupid girls, all sincere girls fall in love with stupid boys, I am neither stupid nor sincere, that's why I am 'SINGLE'.

Abhishek Tiwari

490 Likes

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The angel of the Family is Woman. Mother, wife, or sister, Woman is the caress of life, the soothing sweetness of affection shed over its toils, a reflection for the individual of the loving providence which watches over Humanity. In her there is treasure enough of consoling tenderness to allay every pain. Moreover for every one of us she is the initiator of the future. The mother's first kiss teaches the child love; the first holy kiss of the woman he loves teaches man hope and faith in life; and love and faith create a desire for perfection and the power of reaching towards it step by step; create the future, in short, of which the living symbol is the child, link between us and the generations to come. Through her the Family, with its divine mystery of reproduction, points to Eternity.

Giuseppe Mazzini

87 Likes

Being on tour together and being constantly with the same few people means we now think the same things are funny, we have inside jokes and stuff. Musically there are bands we all love to listen to: Bloc Party being one of them. There arent many we agree on. Greenday, 311, RHCP rock/funk got me wanting to be in a band in the first place. Disashi comes from a very rock background and hes really into Jimi Hendrix which I think shines through on his guitar solos on ACASC. Our bass player is into a lot of reggae. Travis is all over the place with singing and rapping this is the first album he sings complete songs rather than rapping a little in them. There were tracks where we were like, where do we fit in the rap part? and it didnt feel right to put one in. It wasnt a conscious movement away from rap, we made that decision to suit the songs.

Gym Class Heroes

7 Likes

I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die. And they said, you can have this product for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like to see a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which one it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch: the mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamps will be in the wrong denomination...Good luck f*cker! The last payment must be made in wompum!

16 Likes

Television quotes

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun. The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, You're a surgeon, aren't you? Yeah, how did you know? The man says, I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started. Oh, that makes sense, says the woman. Youre an anesthesiologist aren't you? Yeah, says the man, a bit surprised. How did you know? The woman answers, Because I didn't feel a thing.

341 Likes

When a fat girl eats a cheeseburger, people think, "Ew, eat a salad." When a fat girl eats a salad, people think, "Is she trying to lose weight or something?" ..but when a SKINNY girl eats a cheeseburger, people think, "Wow, she eats and eats and never gains a pound." and when a SKINNY girl eats a salad, people think, "Why is she eating a salad? She doesn't need to lose weight." Like if you think this is true.

447 Likes

YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age. But yesterday I should have thought me blest To stand high-pinnacled upon the peak Of middle life and look adown the bleak And unfamiliar foreslope to the West, Where solemn shadows all the land invest And stilly voices, half-remembered, speak Unfinished prophecy, and witch-fires freak The haunted twilight of the Dark of Rest. Yea, yesterday my soul was all aflame To stay the shadow on the dial's face At manhood's noonmark! Now, in God His name I chide aloud the little interspace Disparting me from Certitude, and fain Would know the dream and vision ne'er again. --Baruch Arnegriff It is said that in his last illness the poet Arnegriff was attended at different times by seven doctors.

19 Likes

I cannot write music. I cannot play the piano. Jayne Meadows I just loved and love life. I love it today. Jayne Meadows I never look at a note. I just roam the stage. The people do not want to leave. Jayne Meadows I never say a funny thing intentionally. Jayne Meadows I respect his talents, even as he does mine. Jayne Meadows I was born and raised in China, and my parents were missionaries. Jayne Meadows I would write plays for my grandmother, who was stone deaf, my mother and the dog, that was our audience. Jayne Meadows Marriage, even the best marriages are tough. Jayne Meadows My father was a good preacher and had a little bit of drama. Jayne Meadows My mother was the dearest, sweetest angel. She didn't talk; she sang. She was a tower of strength. Jayne Meadows Steve is very quiet, even shy. I am very gregarious. So, opposites. Jayne Meadows The best people I know have had a lot of obstacles to overcome. Jayne Meadows There is only one secret. To love what you are doing.

5 Likes

HEART, n. An automatic, muscular blood-pump. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the esat of emotions and sentiments --a very pretty fancy which, however, is nothing but a survival of a once universal belief. It is now known that the sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid. The exact process by which a beefsteak becomes a feeling --tender or not, according to the age of the animal from which it was cut; the successive stages of elaboration through which a caviar sandwich is transmuted to a quaint fancy and reappears as a pungent epigram; the marvelous functional methods of converting a hard-boiled egg into religious contrition, or a cream-puff into a sigh of sensibility --these things have been patiently ascertained by M. Pasteur, and by him expounded with convincing lucidity. (See, also, my monograph, _The Essential Identity of the Spiritual Affections and Certain Intestinal Gases Freed in Digestion_ --4t

14 Likes

Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity..

10 Likes

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