QUOTES

Kaile Stewart

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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.Its hard to answer the question whats wrong when nothings right.Im tired of trying, sick of crying, I know Ive been smiling, but inside Im dying.Maybe one day it will be ok again. Thats all I want. I dont care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.When I was younger crying always seemed to be the answer. Now that Im older crying seems to be the only option.I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts to much to hold on anymore.You say Im always happy, and that Im good at what I do, but what youll never realize is, Im a damn good actress too.Just because Im smiling doesnt mean Im happy.Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart.Stop the world I wanna get off. I bleed for you thats why I cut those simple scars are just deep thoughts.You bleed just to know your alive.It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall.Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall, cant be weak, cant stand still, watch your back because no one else will.Theres no excuse for the need to take your own life away, everyone passes through some rough obstacles if life, just face them as they come along, theres always a way to overcome those obstacles, and learn from your experiences.If you cant solve it, it isnt a problem its reality. And sometimes reality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes the longest to realize. But once it hits you in the face youll never forget it. It will always be there in your memories and sometimes that is the best way to look at it.Its funny the way you can get use to the tears and the pain.What do you do when you become too scared, too scared to live, too scared to die, too scared to love, too scared to even care? Sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just cant because things have changed so much.

Kaile Stewart

1 Likes
Beware the person who has nothing to lose.In the end, music is your only friend.I know what its like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you cant; how you hurt yourself on the outside; to try to kill the thing thats in the inside.Even the people who never frown eventually breakdown.How can you understand me when I cant understand myself?I hate what I have become to escape what I hated being.Its like I realized that way down inside, Ive always been lonely for something. But I dont know what for. Its like everybody in the world wants something. Only they never really know exactly what it is they just keep finding out what its not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasnt?You look at me and think, shes so happy but theres so much behind this little smile that you will never know.Do you ever have those times you cry and you dont know why?People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well Ive tried that Ive tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles and what Ive learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear.Let no one think I gave in.The pain is there to remind me that Im still alive.Death is Gods way of saying youre fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you cant fire me, I quit.I dont know what I want in life. I dont know what I want right now. All I know is that Im hurting so much inside that its eating me, and one day, there wont be any of me left.Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I dont know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago, its hurting ten time more.Its the loneliest feeling in the world to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say whats the matter with her? I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you arent sure whether youre walking toward something, or if youre just walking away.You start life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later there comes a time where you look back over where you have been and wonder who you really are.I dont know if Im getting better or just used to the pain.I know it seems like Im this strong person who can get though anything, but inside Im fragile. Ive had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What Im afraid of is shattering.Maybe I am crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by.I love sleep. My life has this tendency to fall apart when Im awake.I just wish I could roll back the clocks to when things were the same¦ then we were all just a bunch of crazy teenagers looking for a wild time. But now, thing arent the same. Each of us have gone our different ways. We change, people change, things just change, and we arent those crazy teenagers looking for a wild time anymore. Were teenagers looking for a person to love and a person to hug when were in need.Sometimes I think that if I wasnt so good at pretending to be, Id be better at actually being happy.Her sadness did not have that. It dripped slowly into her life without her noticing it, at least, not noticing it until it consumed her fully and smothered her with darkness.I quit, I give up, nothings good enough for anybody else, it see¦ when Im all alone its best way to be. When Im by myself nobody else can say good-bye. Everything is temporary anyway.Everybodys searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to. I never found anyone who fulfilled my need¦ a lonely place to be, and so I learned to depend on me.Pain is your friend, it tells you when youre seriously injured, it keeps you awake and angry but the best thing about it is it lets you know that youre alive.I have a tendency to hurt myself physically, when Im hurting inside.When your sure youve had enough of this life¦ dont let yourself go¦ because everybody cries¦ everybody hurts sometimes¦ sometimes everything is wrong.Some of us are just trying to get through the day without falling apart.Every night before I go to sleep I lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls. I try to imagine the future, but right now its as blank as those walls. All I can see is a past that I barely recognize any more.I dont want the world to see me, because I dont think that theyd understand.Look at me. You may think you see who I really am, but youll never know me.Tired of living and scared of dying.I dont necessarily want to be happy; I just wa

Kaile Stewart

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They say you need to pray, if you want to go to heaven. But they dont tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.True strength is holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fall apart.The only thing worse then being hated is being ignored. At least when they hate you they treat you like you exist.There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.She could shut out the whole world, including herself.Our scars have the power to remind us that the past is real.Sometimes I feel like no one cares. Sometimes I feel like no one is there. Sometimes I want to kill myself. Sometimes I think I need some help. Sometimes I feel like Im alone. Sometimes Im in an empty zone. Sometimes I feel like Im not alive. Sometimes I wonder if Im deprived. Sometimes I think the world should end. Sometimes I think I have no friends. Sometimes I want to make them see that sometimes I wish I wasnt me¦Im so broken. not half full, not half empty, not ever cracked. Im just broken. I cant exist anymore. I can barely function. theres nothing left to me. and I dont care.Cutting is a stepping stone for me. All my life I have been put through so much emotional pain and ive let myself just sit and drown in it. I cant physically or emotionally do it anymore. So I cut. It temporarily takes my pain away until I am able to remove myself from all feeling. I am detached from everything right now¦ I am numb.Please dont blame yourself for any of the stupid shit that I choose to do. None of this is your fault. Im the one who makes these bad decisions so Im the one who pays the consequences.They didnt know that she was planning something. Most people thought she was perfectly fine. She was good at pretending¦but some people knew she wasnt okay but they didnt realize how bad it was. She would party every weekend. She was border line alcoholic rarely going 48 hours without being 100% sober. She tried finding comfort in anything even if that meant fucking some guy she just met one night while she had been drinking. Everyday was going by as a blur. They didnt know that she cried herself to sleep every night. They didnt know that she had practiced cutting herself so many times. They didnt know that she had written and rewritten letters to all the people she cared about most telling them she loved them and apologizing. She even wrote one to the person who was most important to her, who wouldnt understand what had happened because she was to young. She wanted her to know it wasnt her fault and she loved her dearly. They just didnt know. They found her surrounded¦ in her own blood. They finally knew¦ they finally realized that she really wasnt okay and the rumors, and the fake friends, and the guys who liked her for all the wrong reasons, and the family, and the lies, and the unperfect body that she saw that everyone else thought was close to perfect, had gotten to her. She finally had the courage to press down hard enough¦ and they finally knew that she planned this.Its not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.Life and death are balanced on the edge of a razor.Im not gonna give a fuck anymore¦ If you hurt me, Im gonna hurt you. Thats how its gonna be from now on¦How can you hide from what never goes away?One morning you wake up afraid to live.Theres a smile on my face but I dont know why its there¦ I put it on to satisfy all the people that dont even care.Im often silent when I am screaming inside.The deepest people are the ones whove been hurt the most.Someone once asked me, Why do you always insist on taking the hard road? I replied, Why do you assume I see two roads?Wear a mask that grins and lies, it hides our cheeks and shades our eyes. The debt we pay to human guile, with torn and broken hearts, we smile.Sometimes I feel like nobody has held me down and forced me to cry or made me hug them, or seen to the inside of me. I just say oh Im fine and walk away. Nobodys ever said to me no youre not.Do you ever get that feeling where you dont want to talk to anybody? You dont want to smile and you dont want to fake being happy. But at the same time you dont know exactly whats wrong either. There isnt a way to explain it to someone who doesnt already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when youre alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isnt anyone who wont take I dont know for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until the

Kaile Stewart

4 Likes
Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within. Every day seems the same to me. I sit around and think about how alone I feel, then I wind up rather enjoying loneliness because its the comfort of being sad. Sometimes it feels so right, and sometimes Id like to be around no one for ten straight years. But I know this feeling cant bring me places, and I know Im losing lots of ground, but to keep up means to get up. And why does it have to be the world keeps on changing while I just stay the same? I feel like being down doesnt mean enough to anyone anymore, and I guess the world has made emotion obsolete. And I dont think I feel the same cause after all, who says what happy really means? Ive been treated like shit by too many people, I have my guard up at all times, and Ive built walls because Im afraid to ever get hurt again. Im stubborn because if Im not I get walked all over. I cry easy because Im emotional and a wreck. I dont Make sense half the time because I have too many things run through my head at once. Im not an easy person to understand. Dont you hate it when people make a joke about you, about something that you are actually incredibly insecure about and they dont realize it, but every laugh feels like a stab in your chest, because it hurts so much and brings up memories youd rather forget. But you cant say anything, because then people would know your weaknesses. Theyd know how insecure you really are. So instead you just laugh it off, and hide the pain you feel inside. Dont you hate it when people make a joke about you, about something that you are actually incredibly insecure about and they dont realize it, but every laugh feels like a stab in your chest, because it hurts so much and brings up memories youd rather forget. But you cant say anything, because then people would know your weaknesses. Theyd know how insecure you really are. So instead you just laugh it off, and hide the pain you feel inside. Its a cruel thing youll never know all the way I tried. Its a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like Im falling apart inside. And now youre gone, its like an echo in my head, and I remember every word you said. And you never were, and you never will be mine. For the first time, theres no mercy in yours eyes. And the cold winds hitting my face, and youre gone, and youre just walking away¦ and Im helpless.You dont know what goes on in anyones life but your own. & when you mess with one part of a persons life, youre not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you cant be that precise & selective. When you mess with one part of a persons life, youre messing with their entire life. Everything¦ affects everything.i think when youre young, youre hoping that this person will be the right one, the one youre going to be in love with forever. but sometimes you want that so much you create something that isnt really there -Johnny DeppI do understand the impulse. the impulse to put your hand out and want someone to be there at the end of your reach. to want someone to be close to. to want to kiss or touch even if its wrong. the point is you cant control these feelings. even if theyre wrong, theyre still there. theyre always there.Whats the point in screaming? No ones listening anyway.Im young and Im hopeless¦ Im lost and I know this¦ Im going nowhere fast¦ thats what they say¦ Im troublesome, Ive fallen¦ Im angry at my Father¦ its me against this world and I dont care.Shes not the kind of girl who likes to tell the world about the way she feels about herself.id it surprise you that I am not who you thought I was? Did it surprise you to find that I dont exactly stand for what you thought I stood for all along? Did it surprise you to find that Im not exactly how I played myself out to be? That the person you thought I was is actually nothing to what I am.Everyone sees who I appear to be but only a few know the real me, you only see what I choose to show theres so much behind my smile you just dont know.I like having low self-esteem it makes me feel special.Take it from someone whos fallen¦ its a long way down.

Kaile Stewart

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Once I was sitting by the side of the Ganges in Allahabad alone, in a very lonely spot, and I saw a man jump into the river. I thought he must be taking a bath, but then he started shouting, Help! Save me!he was drowning. I don't believe in saving anybody, but I thought that this is a totally different case. So I jumped in after him and I pulled him out. It was hard, he was a very big and fat fellow, but somehow I brought him out. And he started being very angry with me. He said, Why did you save me? I said, This is something! You were shouting, `Save me, help me!' I am not a person to save anybody, but there was nobody else here, and I thought that this is a totally different context. But why are you getting angry? He said, I was really going to commit suicide. Then, I said, why did you start shouting, `Save me, help me'? You should have committed suicideI would not have disturbed you. I was simply sitting silently, I was not interfering with you. He said, What to do? I wanted to commit suicide, and with a total decisiveness I had jumped in. But when the cold water touched me, I forgot all that, and when I started drowning and came up, I don't know how, but I started shouting, `Help me, save me!' I said, Don't be worried. Come here. He said, What do you mean? I said, You just come close to me. He came. I pushed him back into the water. He went under once and started shouting again, Save me, help me! What are you doing? I said, Now I am not going to be worried. I did wrong the first timeplease forgive me for that time. Now I will simply sit here and see you commit suicide. He said, This is notand it was difficult to say anything because he was going down and upThis is not a joke! Just save me. I don't want to commit suicide! Somebody else jumped in and saved him. I said, You are doing something wrong because that fellow wants to commit suicide. And that fellow said, No, I have dropped the idea. It is too difficult, I will find some easier way. This going under water and coming upit is too much for me. transm32 Once it happened a friend of mine was bent upon committing suicide, so everybody was advising him but he wouldn't listen. His father came running to me and he said, Now it seems it is beyond us. The father had always been against me but now he thought, Maybe this is the last resort. So I said, I am coming. I went and I listened to the man, and I said, Perfectly good! I don't feel it is right, but if still you decide to commit suicide I will help you because I'm your friend! If you want to commit suicide, good! I don't feel it is right because if I were in your place I wouldn't commit suicide because it looks foolish! Because a girl has refused you, you want to commit suicide. There are millions of girls and this is not the only woman. Within a month you will forget; you will fall in love again! But if you still think to, it is perfectly good! It is your life! The father became very much disturbed. He said, We have brought you to help him not to do it! I said, Who are you to help him?because when you gave birth to him you never asked him if he wanted to be born or not. Now why should you ask? If he wants to commit suicide he should be given all freedom. I took the man to my house. I said, Come with me. If you are going to commit suicide, let us enjoy. One night be with me because maybe we will meet somewhere, maybe we will never meet again. So he came with me, and by and by he started thinking, because I was not trying to convince him. I said, We will put the alarm on and at four o'clock I will drive you to a beautiful place where you can jump into the river¦and I can say good-bye too! At four o'clock when the alarm went and I started pulling him out of his bed, he said, Are you my enemy or what? I don't want to commit suicide! I said, This is not right. If you have decided it is perfectly good! He said, But I don't want to commit suicide. Why are you forcing me? I said, I'm not forcing! And he has not committed suicide! Now he has a wife and children and he avoids me because whenever he comes to see me I say, What has happened now? You were thinking that you would never fall in love again; you fell in love again! And he says, In fact I am happy that that woman refused; she was not for me! I would have always been in trouble, her husband is in trouble. And I have found a better woman. zero19

Kaile Stewart

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Life is precious Life is a god sent gift and it is your duty to live it to the full. You might face several traumatic experiences in your life and feel there is no end to your distress. If you are courageous, the fighting spirit in you makes you tide over your difficult time and you come out a more mature and bold person But for weak minded, they feel overwhelmed by their situation and they want to end it by taking their life. What are the different reasons for suicide? ¢Loss of a dear one ¢Financial debacle ¢A sudden impulse to end life because of loneliness ¢Love failure. The reason for choosing this fatal decision varies from person to person, but the end result is sorrow and bewilderment on part of those near to you. Suicide of the boy I knew due to love failure I can never forget the suicide my neighbors son. He was in love with a girl who worked in his fathers office. There was lot of opposition for his love because the girl was lower than them in financial status. The boy tried to convince his mother, but she was adamant. I saw him at twelve in the afternoon in the terrace and he smiled at me. Half an hour later I heard his mother wailing and we rushed to their home and I can never forget the sight I saw. He was hanging in the fan lifeless. What a loss of precious life? Why should a young life be nipped in the bud? It was because of his lack of fighting spirit and his mothers adamant behavior. She will never see her son again and if only she had understood her sons love and accepted the girl he loved she would have not lost her son. The boy on his part could have boldly married the girl he loved and later convinced his mother. Financial debacle Financial debacle ignites the feeling of helplessness. If you are dispirited, it causes several mind shattering thoughts in you. You feel waves of hopelessness, tossing you into the abyss of depression. If you are in debt it adds fuel to your depressive situation. My experience I have to share the traumatic period in my life with you. During that harrowing period, financial stress joined hands with my husbands renal failure. Those were the days I found it impossible to keep myself sane as I could not bear to see my husband suffering. Faith in god made me take control of my feelings and I found an anchor in my daughter. She pulled me out of my depression and here I am today, my financial debacle a thing of past and the memory of my beloved husband my energy booster to fight against everything and come out unscathed. One bad moment is enough If you deviate from nurturing relationship you feel you have no one in this world to help you and this feeling makes you depressed. The thought of suicide gets engraved in your mind and one bad moment is enough for everything in your life to go out of focus and you make the fatal decision to taking your life. If only you had talked it out with a family member or close friend your life would be yours to cherish and live. Loss of dear one How do you feel when you lose the most precious person of your life? ¢Do you feel like taking your life? ¢Do you feel you can never see happiness again in your life? It is true you cannot forget the person who meant so much to you. But you can make his memory meaningful and worthwhile. Strive to do something good in his memory, like donating on his anniversary as a fitting tribute to the departed soul. When you feel overwhelmed by any situation, do not hesitate to talk it out. You should talk with a person who motivate you and make you realize how easy it is to overcome your problems. Love is the remedy Even the rich commit suicide, so financial drawbacks is not the only reason for suicide. In this modern world you are in a mad chase for money and in your hunt for money you trample relationship, resulting in deprivation of true love. Without love everything is meaningless. Lack of communication is the cause of many mental problems as it leads you to a situation where you feel alone and lost. Today this loveless solitude is faced by many and that is why we see a spurt of suicide among even teenagers. Impulse and rash decisions also contribute to suicide. You must think for a fraction of second and you feel you had been foolish to have even contemplated suicide. Nothing in this world is permanent. All sorrows, stress, financial setbacks and emotional deprivation will disappear into nothingness when you make efforts to overcome them. Courage, honesty, strong willpower and the guiding motivation of friends and relatives go a long way in getting you out of any dire situation. To die in order to avoid the pains of poverty, love, or anything that is disagreeable, is not a part of a brave man, but of a coward-Aristotle Yes, it is utter cowardice to even contemplate suicide. Live your life to prove to the world of your resilience to out grow a

Kaile Stewart

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Cynthia is a 15-year-old high school student who is doing quite well. She is a very special person and I am very lucky to have her as a friend. (I love you Cynthia!) But Cynthia was not doing very well a couple years ago. Cynthia was 13, deeply depressed, suicidal, and engaging in a dangerous activity that many depressed teens engage in - self-mutilation. Her parents divorced, she was having difficulties with her school work, and she had lost many friends because of her depression. She felt lost, alone, confused, and extremely sad. She did not know how to cope and she kept her feelings bottled up inside.she just wanted to die. She was overwhelmed. So she began cutting herself with a razor blade. The self-mutilation continued day after day, and she hid her cuts and scars under her clothing. She also cut her wrists, and wore sweatbands to hide those cuts. Cynthia was in such great pain that she believed that the cutting was a good thing. Although it caused physical pain, she believed that it helped her escape. She told me that it was similar to taking a drug. Of course, the cutting was making things MUCH worse for her. Every time she cut herself, she was harming her body and deepening her depression. Sadly, she did not reach out for treatment - and MANY teens do not reach out for treatment. I want to quote the EXACT words that Cynthia spoke to me about why she did not get treatment. She states what innumerable other teens who cut feel. This is what she said: I didn't have any treatment because I didn't think that anyone would understand what I was talking about. And I felt that if I did get any help I would be a really weak person and be really ashmamed of myself. Please re-read that statement above several times. It speaks volumes about the feelings of someone who self-mutilates. Before I continue, I want to talk directly to anyone who is self-mutilating and let you know that you are not alone. There IS help available for you. And you can get that help fast. People WILL understand you. And there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Reaching out for help is the first step of your recovery process. Please do something for me right now if you need help -- Ask for help! Do not be afraid. If you are in the United States, please call 1-800-DONTCUT. Please do so right now. Go ahead. You can come back to this later. I will be here when you come back. Please make that call now. If you are not in the United States, please ask someone you trust for help. If that person doesn't understand -- ask someone else for help. KEEP ASKING UNTIL YOU GET THE HELP THAT YOU NEED. Please go ask for help now. I love you and I care about you and I want you to get help. If you will not do it for yourself, please do it for me. Thank you. Please go for help NOW.

Kaile Stewart

4 Likes
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating. Sinking like a weight. I don't think I am okay. No not today . Now I know that it's not the same. Different people, different days. It won't change. It wasn't a suicide attempt, it was an escape from everything awful. When we cut, we're in control- we make our own pain and we can stop it whenever we want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker. Drugs do that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting. The cracks in the concrete remind that no matter how srong you are, you will always fall apart. My life is so full of old scars that there's no room for a new wound. How will you know if I'm hurting if you cannot see my pain? To wear it on my body tells what words cannot explain. Have you ever had that feeling? That itch just below the skin that only a razor could scratch? Sometimes I sit and watch the ink leak from my pen. It comforts me to know something else bleeds the way I do. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth while. If I should keep going on, faking all these smiles. In that one instance I hated everyone in my life, everyone and everything, and me most of all. I just want to be happy again but I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore. It is the strong who survive and the weak who will simply fade. If I tell them I need help, my weakness will be displayed. You never know when you wake up, if all will be the same, or if you'll be back in your dark place, again to feel the pain. I cut to prove to you that you are not the only one that can hurt me. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. There is only one rain cloud in the sky...and it's raining on me. Somehow I'm not surprised. It's not supposed to be like this. Can this be all there is? You dream bigger, you fall harder. Think of things that should've never happened. You think of all the things that never will. All my life, Ive welcomed pain. Ive made up more excuses to bring it back again. Now Im here and Ill drink to the shame. Ill drink to the madness that made me this way. I'd show a smile but Im too weak. I'd share with you could I only speak. Just how much this hurts me. Do you ever smile and find it shameful 'cause you don't know who you are? Sometimes, it's the things that don't hurt at all that make you cry. In reality, I'm slowly losing my mind. Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside. Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly. Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering. So I wear my disguise til I go home at night and turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry. The sky isn't always blue. The sun doesn't always shine. So it's okay to fall apart sometimes. I bleed for you, that's why I cut. These simple scars are just deep thoughts. You do it to yourself...and that's why it really hurts. Behind this inoccent smile of mine, lay words left unsaid. Words of longing, love,anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head. The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed. Every minute is a mile. I've never felt so hallow. I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles. They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven But they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to Hell. See these scars on me? I'm just marking territory. Die young and save yourself. It takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has. But, lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all. Happiness is not a fish that you can catch. This is where I say I've had enough. No one should ever feel the way that I feel now. You can lock your doors and windows to keep the pain at bay. Yesterday may be dead and gone, but the past won't go away. It's waiting right around every corner with a heartache you don't need. Self-injury is a sign of distress not madness. We should be congratulated on having found a way of surviving. I cant stop thinking about cutting myself up. Visual bruises can be covered with make-up. But down to the core, Im all bruises. You can't see that I'm hurting. You're too blind to notice my pain. It feels like everyone is sitting in the sunshine, while I'm drowning in the rain. I certainly didnt tell anyone; I didnt advertise that I was doing this, but I didnt necessarily also make sure no one could see that I was injured. In fact, I felt proud of it; I felt good about it. It was like a battle scar: [it] proved [that I had been] grievously wounded and survived. [When I hid my scars, I did so because] I didnt want anyone to think I was a basket case or a mental case and to look down on me or to pity me or to stop hanging out with meleave me because they couldnt handle me¦ I was trying to get

Kaile Stewart

3 Likes
You only know what you see No one knows what its like to be me. have you ever had that empty feeling inside ; like no one cares or loves you back ; feeling as if you were to cry ; no one would be there to wipe away the t e a r s Everything Beautiful eventually Dies ...there she lies broken inside... i am the author of my life unfortunatly I'm writin` in pen and can`t erase my * m I s t a k e s Theres a girl in my mirror crying tonight & theres nothing I can tell her to make her feel alright... Every tear that Ive cried is a small piece of me that has died Youre so typical...& I hate you. Another day, same bullshit, this is like a rerun of some sitcom & here we are, screaming at each other again you out loud & me on the inside. Listening to the same songs over & over again, hearing the same harsh words replay in my head. Yesterday is already over, today sucks & tomorrows bound to be just as fucked up i`m so sick and tired of acting like i`m fine because truthfully, i`m not. i can`t even talk to youu without being so incredibly sadd. you were the one person who was always supposed to be there for me ; myy best friend ; myy everything. and youu ruined it all in that moment. and I acted like it didn`t hurt. and for a while, I didn`t think it did. but the tears are here and now i realize that it hurt more then anything in the world.. You see my soul it's kind of gray. You see my heart, you look away You see my wrist, I feel your pain. You know my cheeks aren't just wet from the -rain- It's rainin` outside and I don't wanna go the thinqs I feel inside I don't let them show the thinqs you've said i will never let go but until then you'll never know I know what it's like to be alone sitting in your room listening to all those doubts that your parents have to say to you As the people looked up At the clear blue skies, The crash of the planes Took them by total surprise. As the damage and destruction Began to unfold, The people couldn't believe The stories that were told. To see the people jump They then realized, To see a firefighter's face.. As tears filled his eyes. Why and who could do Such a terrible thing, To cause such destruction And kill another human being. As we watch the news And see strangers cry, I sit in amazement And I wonder, 'why?'. Just because someone looks like they having a bright and sunny day Inside they [ c o u l d ] be screaming because everything aint okay.. wut gave you the right to misjudge me nd write me off on the wall ?? actin` as if you understand me in reality you just don`t know me at all ...... sometimes I can`t help but wonder if this was how it`s meant to be but if you search deep enuff in your soul .. you`ll always find a slight reminder of me ........ won`t somebody tell me I just d o n` t understand the ways of the world today sometimes I feel like there`s nothing to live for so i`m longing for the days of y e s t e r d a y if you Look inside a Girl`s [*.H - e - a - R - t.*] Youd see how much she really cries Youll find secrets hidden, Best friends, and Lies But what youll see the most is hOw l | [ HarD ] | l it iS to sTay [(strOng)] wheN Nothing`s right and everything is wrong - ull jus neva kno - soo many emotions I choose not 2 show dont let anyone ever promise you that they w0n`t ever hurt you because at oNe time or another it will happen. the real promise is if the time you spend toGEther wilL be w0rth the pain in the end y0u can`t see i`m hurting y0u d0n`t n0tice the pain it feels like every0ne else is sitting in the sunshine while i`m dr0wning in the rain (ï`÷._)what's misery? it*s when you don*t keep your((chin up)) and, i.n.s.t.e.a.d, give up all you*ve got to [[ fall to the trauma]] How do I deal with you How do I deal with me When I don't even know M y S e L f or what it is you want from me. How do I deal with us How do I know what's real When I don.t even trust myself Or what it is I feel And how do I deal the other day,i sat down,and watched all my childhood movies beauty and the beast,cinderella,snow white,the little mermaid ya know all these good cute movies but there's somethin' that i dont understand,in all of them they -all- end ((happily)) ever after,they get the '|[perfect]|' guy that will luv them forever .nd I dont get it, yea its really nice to dream,buht how come it never really happens why cant I b. the perfect })i({ beautiful grl who ends up w/ the guy of mi dreams alwayz there for me helping me through, guiding `nd leading me to the right-paths in my life to`succeed be happi with myself * and what ii have in my life and be greatful for it all nd I started to cr.y cause' i know that really`i already found priince charmiing but I n0

Kaile Stewart

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You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine--but before you kill yourself consider these facts: Suicide is not usually successful. You think you know a way to guarantee it Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone. What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal. What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go. What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his foolproof suicide. You might too. But... Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job--but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Who will be the one to find you? Your father? Your mother? Your wife? Your son? The carefully worded loving suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain. Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now. You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police. They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away. You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with whatever you have left. Her pretty smile drawn from her face Her eyes a pool of tears She was my one closest friend I'd known throughout the years But something weird had happened She wasnt exactly the same She hid behind that grin she wore Just covering the pain She lost her every confidence The day her spirits died She tried to hide the sorrows To cover up the tears she cried The people didnt understand They couldnt see the truth That they had caused the pain she bared Killed this prideful happy youth She always cared what others thought It left her in such pain Because what others think is always mean For People are so vain One day she couldnt bear it She killed herself in strife The people who were rude to her Had cost that girl her life So take this razor and sign your name across my wrist' so everyone will know who left me like this.* So next time when you look at my wrist and say nobody in this world thinks about you, you can remember - I do.* Although I might act like it doesnt hurt.. Your words cut me deeper than any of my knives. These bandages cover more than scrapes. Cuts and bruises from regret and mistakes what you would expect. A perfect child? With pretty scars all over my wrists Im sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. Now that I've felt this way it seems as if forever pain or love no longer affect me. After being hurt so many times I feel almost nothing and the funny thing about is most of those times I was the one who hurt myself. if I could swallow a bottle of Tylenol I would and end it for good to say goodbye to Hollywood I probably should these problems are piling all at once cause everything that bothers me I got it bottled up I think Im bottoming out but Im not about to give up I got to get up I'm staring down at the scars I have the scars that you left me with.. Yeah I got to scar I can talk about. In fact, I have many. When I wake up alone, the shades are still drawn on the cold window pane so they cast their lines on my bed and lines on my face. I feel like hanging myself with a barbed rope on the tallest and shadiest tree swinging from left to right with a smile on my face. I hope you are happy now. I'm not getting over you... I'm just getting used to the pain [Id rather bleed with cuts of love then live without any scars] in the last 30 years ` .. teenage suicide has increased 300% in North America suicide.... giving hopeless people hope Suicide is just one person escaping the world without even getting back at the people that made her kill herself~ so cut my wrists and black my eyes . So I can fall asleep tonight and die' because you kill me and you know this you kill me well you like it too can

Kaile Stewart

3 Likes
Her eyes screamed the saddest apology the world has ever heardoh the scars on her wrist? dont worry, she says their just a reminder of how many times you broke her heart Sometimes I just feel like Running away just to see who would follow just to see who really cares 0r if anyone cares at all I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show, and I thought that bein strong meant never losing your self control. but tonight I'm just enough to let go of my pain, to hell with my pride. let it fall like rain from my eyes, tonight I wanna cry. Force a smile, blink away the tears Im ((supposed to)) be strong ((supposed to)) have no fears but* I'm finding it hard not to frown im such a [ s t r o N g ] person ...why am I breaking down¦ SHe's the kind of girl who has the biggest smile on her face even when shes balling her eyes out Fake friends Broken Hearts to mend Lying cheating stealing Pain thats never healing Scars from sad nights Black eyes from fist fights Never ending stress Trying for the best Too many tears for someone to save me Being a teenager is way too crazy THey say that the teenage years are the best of your life.. but I disagree.. I just want to be a kid again I'm going to smile.. and make u think I'm happy.. im going to laugh.. so u dont see me cry.. and even if it kills me.. im going to smile. I don't know what to do anymore, nothing feels the same, I never see a smile in the mirror, I only see pain, pain beneath my soul, so deep inside of me there is no escaping it, no coming back to a normal state of mind, there's nothing I can do anymore. im mad at myself for crying i dont even remember the reason but the tears keep flowing and they just wont stop i'm supposed to be strong but everythings so wrong Oh how I wish I could see tears seep through your eyes, but even that wouldn't be enough to cover up the lies you kept from me. This is where I say I've had enough and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now. A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises and I don't believe that I'm getting any better. It's what ppl do without thinking that cause the quick tears.. Eventually the tears will be forgotten, ..But the hurt will stay in the heart forever.. It's getting colder now And the darkness consumes me Depression is slowly creeping up Maybe one day you'll actually care about me Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad *..ive learned that stuff happens, people change, and it doesnt mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. it simply means that you move on and treasure the memories, letting go doesnt mean giving up, its just accepting the fact that some things werent meant to be..* I want to crawl into my dream world and stay there, so that the pain yesterday brought wont carry on to tomorrow. Sometimes I find myself faking a smile just to get through the day. I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get through anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering I thought somebody would notice, I thought somebody would say something¦ I could pretend that Im not dying inside, but just so you know... I am. The memory dies as the sun leaves the skies and I'm alone again. I wish it was raining, cause I hate every beautiful day Even if its a lie, say itll be alright, and I will believe... As we grow older, it gets harder to believe. Its not that we dont want to but too much has happened and we cant. Dont fall into the trap of pretending everything is okay when you know its not. There comes a point in your life when you realize that nothing will ever be the same, and you realize that from now on time will be divided into two parts- before this and after this. Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt. Id like to think Ill be happy again, but I really need to stop and cry right now. Sometimes, I wish I could scream at you, and just to show you what you do to me. You know, I dont think Ill ever be happy. Wherever I am, Ill wish Im somewhere else. Whatever I have, Ill want something different. I try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies. I try to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes Smile and make you think Im happy I talk and make you think I love me I laugh, so you dont see me cry I look at you and hide the pain inside I feel myself dying but you see me survive I didnt wanna be that girl that cries herself to sleep¦ Smile and act like nothings wrong Its called putting s*it aside and being strong Im not always happy but I can fake it Cant stand all this

Kaile Stewart

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