TOPIC
AUTHOR
Close
Search
Close
Search
Close
Search
Close
Search
EVENTS
MEMBERS
LOGIN
SIGN UP
Quotes
Topics
Pictures
Questions
Authors
Blog
About
Terms
Privacy
Sitemap
Get in Touch
Advertise
Removal Request
Subscribe
Contact Us
Social
Facebook
Instagram
Twitter
Pinterest
Close
Submit Quote
Latest Quotes
Browse our latest quotes
Topic List
Categorized list of quote topics
Famous Authors
Alphabetical list of influential authors
Picture Quotes
Custom and user added quotes with pictures
Quotes
Questions
Submit Quote
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Mitch Hedberg
0 Likes
0 Comments
RELATED QUOTES
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Mitch Hedberg
2 Likes
Sponsored Links
Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
Mitch Hedberg
2 Likes
Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.
Mitch Hedberg
11 Likes
Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.
Mitch Hedberg
1 Likes
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Mitch Hedberg
3 Likes
Sponsored Links
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Mitch Hedberg
3 Likes
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Mitch Hedberg
8 Likes
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Mitch Hedberg
1 Likes
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'
Mitch Hedberg
9 Likes
Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret.
Mitch Hedberg
20 Likes
Sponsored Links
I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said F**k it. Cut 'em up.
Mitch Hedberg
5 Likes
Food quotes
What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fu.. is a sesame?! It's a street... It's a way to open sh.....
Mitch Hedberg
3 Likes
Food quotes
TRENDING
TRENDING TOPICS
Apr 29
A New Day
Being Selfish
Believe In Yourself
ColorS
Commerce
Dancing
Discontent
Generations
Getting Over Him
Giving
Happy
Insincerity
Manners
Money
Motivation
Partner
Past Relationships
Remembrance
Sarcastic
Women
ABOUT
Terms
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Sitemap
Contact Us
OUR GOAL
Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life.
© 2024 SearchQuotes™