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I nagged the person who took this photo until they uploaded it to Facebook and tagged me in it, even though we were in the middle of the desert and they only had two bars of service.
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As a matter of strategy, it's impossible to identify me in this group photo.
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It took several attempts before I aced this photo of me jumping on a trampoline, a gimmick I employed to affect an air of whimsy and spontaneity.
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I look nothing like this in real life.
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It's safe to say that if sucking it in were a sport, I'd be an Olympian.
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My face is kind of 'meh' here, but I like to think the outstanding cleavage makes up for it.
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Of course I didn't notice that you resemble the Elephant Man in my profile picture; I was distracted by how thin I look.
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Extensive Photoshop tutorials are responsible for how deep and blue my eyes appear, but if you ask I'll mumble something about it being 'golden hour.'
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I have recently had my heart broken and am posing in a sad, vulnerable fashion, please say something complimentary that will both validate me and make my ex jealous.
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I wouldn't dare contort my face into the hideous mess you see here if I were even 2% less attractive than I am but fortunately, I'm hot enough to 'ugly it up.' You know, in the name of modesty.
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That awkward moment when you're showing someone an old photo of you and you're wearing the same shirt as in the photo.
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Facebook rule 1: If I'm not in your photo, don't tag me in your photo.
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