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Life is boiled potatoes. I am the cayenne pepper.
You know you're hated when even Siri refuses to do what you tell her.
If at first you don't succeed, there's always performance enhancing drugs.
Women. Can't live with them; can't breed an army of genetically engineered super-soldiers without them.
Some people say I'm all washed up. Joke's on them, I haven't bathed in weeks.
I don't hate your guts, just your circulatory, muscular, and central nervous systems.
Today I fell off my bike while working out. It was a stationary bike.
Glad my life is always so normal, helps keep me stay centered, in touch with what's real.
I learn the most about people asking them what they want their ringtone/text tone to be.
The best breakfast burrito are always in the back of liquor stores!
If I was a virgin I would be a mixed martial artist...or in Delta Force.
Well, I'm trying to be a billionaire before 30I definitely want to go into politics later in my life. I plan to be governor, at least, and president if possible.
Please leave. Please leave. I'm not even listening. I'm not even listening LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA Go away I will be gone by the new day.
A Real Woman
Dont Judge Me
Fathers Day Messages
High School Senior
Pick Up Lines
Clever Facebook Status
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