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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.
If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
50th Wedding Anniversary
Fathers Day Messages
I Miss You
Life Is Too Short
Long Distance Relationship
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