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The three most important things a man has are, briefly, his private parts, his money, and his religious opinions.
Samuel Butler
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The only living works are those which have drained much of the author's own life into them.
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The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore.
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The history of the world is the record of the weakness, frailty and death of public opinion.
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The healthy stomach is nothing if it is not conservative. Few radicals have good digestions.
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The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.
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The function of vice is to keep virtue within reasonable bounds.
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The dons of Oxford and Cambridge are too busy educating the young men to be able to teach them anything.
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The dead should be judged like criminals, impartially, but they should be allowed the benefit of the doubt.
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