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Im constantly looking at my phone like it has the answers to all lifes problems.
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OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back?
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Facebook needs a Drama of the day section in my news feed.
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Saying I don't take my meds because they make me feel funny. Is like cannibals saying they don't eat clowns because the taste funny.
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The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.
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When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a friends Facebook account: 'I LOVE D*CK IN MY MOUTH!'
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If Facebook ever shuts down. You'll see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in others faces screaming 'Do you like this!?!?!.. DO YOU!?!?!'
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Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life.
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Okay mom...you know I love you...but I can't accept your friend request on Facebook.
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Spent the entire night trying to create a website for women drivers, but it kept crashing.
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It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
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My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there.
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Are you free tomorrow? No, Im fu..ing expensive.
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