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I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, I'm going to mop the floor with your face. I said, You'll be sorry. He said, Oh, yeah? Why? I said, Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
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