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My life's actually been quite dull; it's not all that glamorous.
Like, in high school, I was a good student and got straight As. It was very strict and you couldn't do well there unless you studied very hard, but every time there was any trouble, I was the first person they would be talking to.
It's like Samson and Delilah: watch your back, because trouble could be the person you're sleeping with.
It was just very interesting to me that certain types of women inspire people's imagination, and all of them were very difficult women.
Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.
In life, single women are the most vulnerable adults. In movies, they are given imaginary power.
In a strange way, I had fallen in love with my depression.
I'll see Naomi Wolf on television periodically, I have nothing against her and what she says, but I'll feel that she's a politician, like she's got an agenda to get across and that she doesn't always say what's really true or exactly what she feels.
I'd really like to write a book about Timothy McVeigh, but it would only work if he cooperated.
I thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony.
I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it.
I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is.
I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.
50th Wedding Anniversary
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