One of the greatest powers you have is the power to surprise the other with a gesture of recognition. Listen to the story of Troy Chapman, a prisoner with whom I've corresponded, who is currently serving a long sentence in a federal prison. Chapman writes about how ''a man was trying to walk me off the sidewalk. This is common in prison as scared and angry young men try to show how tough they are. Having dealt with similar situations for years, I'd always seen them in terms of two choices: back down or go on the offensive. This time another option suddenly occurred to me. I still remember the confusion in the man's eyes as I stepped off the sidewalk, touched his elbow, and said, ''How's it going?' I stepped aside, but I didn't back off. I engaged him, but on a different playing field. He was at loss and simply mumbled some reply and kept walking. But I had told him in a language we both understood, 'I have no need of an enemy.''' (1/2 1-AO)