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Fred Willard Quotes & Sayings
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31 entries tagged including 1 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
Fred Willard Topics
QUOTES
One of the great things about kids is, they haven't heard a lot of the old jokes. You can get away with the corny ones.
Fred Willard
2 Likes
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I've heard a lot of comedians were young when their parents divorced, or when a parent died or was killed. It forces you to have a sense of humor.
Fred Willard
0 Likes
I had a ham-and-cheese sandwich last night. It was the best sandwich I ever had. Just wonderful. White bread, American cheese, ham, tomato, mustard. Mary made it. Mary says I'll tell you virtually every meal I eat is the best I've ever had. She's right.
Fred Willard
5 Likes
My father died when I was young. He was out delivering Christmas packages like he did every year. My mom said that after he delivered the packages, people looked down at him from the buildings and he always turned around and waved, but he didn't that day. He got in his car, had a heart attack or something, and died. He was buried on Christmas Eve. I had no brothers and sisters, so I was all by myself. It really changes you. For the rest of your life you're always expecting something bad to happen.
Fred Willard
15 Likes
What makes a successful marriage? Well, I've been married about forty years now. My wife and I went back to Hawaii in 2001 to renew our vows. It was a hippie thing. We found a woman-Reverend Jackie. Picked a spot out by the ocean where a guy was playing guitar. I think he was the best man or something.
Fred Willard
2 Likes
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There was ABC, CBS, and NBC when I was a kid. That was it. How difficult it must've been to be successful back then. Now I look up and notice I'm watching Channel 504. Everyone is a star of some show.
Fred Willard
0 Likes
Flying into Bora Bora makes you feel like you're in The Wizard of Oz and suddenly it's Technicolor.
Fred Willard
8 Likes
When you get to a certain age, it's kind of the same thing. There's no new school to go to, no new teachers. There's some comfort in that.
Fred Willard
12 Likes
A great director is someone who makes you feel like you're moving forward.
Fred Willard
3 Likes
A great director is someone who makes you feel like you're moving forward.
Fred Willard
7 Likes
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Animated voice-over guys have it good.
Fred Willard
2 Likes
The remote has saved my sanity.
Fred Willard
0 Likes
Comedy relieves you. A lot of times we think we're the only people bothered by certain things. Then you hear a comic say, 'Don't you hate it when...'And it's 'Oh, my God! Of course!'
Fred Willard
0 Likes
My daughter thinks I'm a little more on the straight and narrow than I actually am.
Fred Willard
0 Likes
When I was a kid, hearing something from the president was like hearing something from God. Now I hear the president and think, What is he, crazy?
Fred Willard
0 Likes
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If you're going to take a risk as a comic, make sure it's surrounded by other things that you're certain are funny.
Fred Willard
0 Likes
I wish s.. could last as long as love.
Fred Willard
4 Likes
Opera has made me consider suicide.
Fred Willard
2 Likes
When I was a kid, I remember one aunt drinking on Thanksgiving and falling asleep at the dinner table. Her husband said, Betty, wake up and finish your drink.
Fred Willard
3 Likes
Ballet I love for about five minutes. Then I want to see a comic come out.
Fred Willard
0 Likes
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