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Henny Youngman Quotes & Sayings
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47 entries tagged including 12 subtopics.
Last updated Apr 2024
Henny Youngman Topics
Women
Drink
Bachelors
Funny
Scouting
Military Family
Morning
Gold Digger
Funny Marriage
Relationship
Wedding Anniversary
QUOTES
Take my wife... Please!
Henny Youngman
0 Likes
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She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Henny Youngman
2 Likes
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
Henny Youngman
19 Likes
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
Henny Youngman
2 Likes
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
1 Likes
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My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
Henny Youngman
1 Likes
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
Henny Youngman
1 Likes
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
1 Likes
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
Henny Youngman
0 Likes
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
Henny Youngman
9 Likes
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
21 Likes
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman
3 Likes
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
1 Likes
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
Henny Youngman
2 Likes
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
7 Likes
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I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Henny Youngman
2 Likes
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Henny Youngman
2 Likes
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
2 Likes
Bachelors quotes
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
1 Likes
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
Henny Youngman
1 Likes
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TRENDING
TRENDING TOPICS
Apr 26
Acceptance
Being Tired
Drama Queen
Dreams
Emotions
Family Values
Friendship
Going Away
Hypocrisy
Inferiority
Keeping It Real
Leave Me Alone
Life
Longing
Morning
Positive Thinking
Reminisce
Sisters
Teamwork
Wit
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