...condom Says To The Tampon, "You Put Me Out Of A Job For 1 Week A Month!" The Tampon Replies, "When You Don't Do Your Job Properly, I Lose Mine For 9 Months!"

I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.

Charlie Sheen

2230 Likes

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I want a real relationship; not a facebook one

Unknown

2736 Likes

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Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

Unknown

1947 Likes

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A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

Unknown

2463 Likes

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Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

Unknown

5612 Likes

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If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer...

Unknown

1925 Likes

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The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pus.. when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

Unknown

8120 Likes

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Never on schedule, but always on time.

Nas

1061 Likes

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Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.

Unknown

1973 Likes

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Better late than never, but never late is better.

Drake

3482 Likes

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Girls are like phones. they love to be held, talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Unknown

155 Likes

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Ladies, place your heart in the hands of God & he will place it in the hands of a man who he believes deserves it.

Unknown

283 Likes

Facebook Status quotes

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