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I'll quit tanning when the satchel handle grows out of my back.
If you're a waiter and you're waiting on me, you might get five percent, you might get seventy percent. It depends on how bad my math skills are that day.
My parents were like June and Ward Cleaver; there was nothing dysfunctional about them.
I had a picture-perfect childhood.
When you have an entire amphitheatre of people laughing that way, it makes you feel so funny and it frees you to go further than you probably would.
Please get on an airplane or a horse, because it's pretty spectacular.
I try to make my heart beat out of my chest, hard-core, once a day for at least a half hour. I think that's very important.
I feel like my mind is a little quieter when I exercise.
I'm usually done with work around 11am, so I have time before I pick the kids up from school.
I work out every day. It's part of my life. That's one of the benefits of having kids in school full-time.
I get paid to make out with the hunks!
I'd rather not have a moment when I'm known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer.
There's no such thing as an uber-mom.
Being Hurt By Someone You Love
Funny Facebook Status
Funny Twitter Bios
Appreciate Momkids Growing Up Withou
Chid Abuse Slogan In Hindi
Digntind Out Who Your Rea
Friendship Maria Montessori
Funny Dissing Girls
Girls Who Gls Who Gs Who G
Hoes Having Babies N Killing
Im Leaving Tonight
Missing School Friends
My Son Is My Blessing
S His Friends Over Meuming
The Moon Is The Most Divine Of
You Either Love Me Or Leave Me Alone
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