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When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
We are all alike, on the inside.
We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.
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