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Congratulations on your fifteen minutes of still not being famous.
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Congratulations on being even more annoying than your phone's ringtone.
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Congratulations on finding another web-based outlet for your consuming narcissism.
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Congratulations on being that fat and still alive.
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Congratulations on not getting me pregnant.
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Congratulations to Facebook on going public with all my private information...
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Congratulations on being in a relationship with someone who doesn't realize they're in a relationship.
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Congratulations on choosing a profile picture that doesn't qualify as softcore porn.
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Congratulations on running a marathon without having to stop for a heart attack.
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Congratulations on having just enough Facebook friends to appear popular, but not needy.
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Congratulations on quitting smoking and not yet becoming morbidly obese.
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17 Likes
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Congratulations on your new job that you probably won't like any better.
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48 Likes
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Congratulations on losing the weight we were all pretending you didn't need to lose.
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Congratulations to Snooki on proving everything every girl's parents ever told them is wrong.
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Congratulations on maintaining your freshman fifteen.
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Congratulations on having the same great idea as someone who successfully executed it.
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Congratulations on finding an absurdly overpriced place to live.
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Congratulations on taking your old job back.
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Congratulations on being the last person in the galaxy without a cell phone
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Congratulations on doing what we pay you to do.
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