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Seth Meyers Quotes & Sayings
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91 entries tagged including 1 subtopics.
Last updated Apr 2024
Seth Meyers Topics
QUOTES
The first presidential debate took place last night, and earlier in the week Barack Obama said he would be at the debate whether John McCain showed up or not. Marking the first time in history that a black man was more eager to go to Mississippi than a white one.
Seth Meyers
9 Likes
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Treasury secretary Henry Paulson said that the proposed bailout plan will cost taxpayers $700 billion dollars. To give you an idea of how much money that is, I can't give you an idea of how much money that is.
Seth Meyers
0 Likes
A company in Japan has developed a set of kneepads that allow men to squat down in front of the toilet, reducing the possibility of splash back when they urinate. Also, that's not what they're for.
Seth Meyers
2 Likes
It was revealed this week that Harrison Ford is engaged to his longtime girlfriend Calista Flockhart. Unfortunately, the news came to light in the final paragraph of Chewbacca's suicide note.
Seth Meyers
2 Likes
Tony Danza has begun work on a new A&E series in which he will spend a year teaching 10th grade English at a New York City school. The network is already preparing a spin-off series, in which a group of students repeat 10th grade English.
Seth Meyers
2 Likes
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Karta, an orangutan at a zoo in Australia, escaped from her enclosure on Sunday, after she short-circuited an electric fence and broke free. She then climbed over the fence, where another orangutan was waiting with the car running.
Seth Meyers
7 Likes
JP Morgan Bank is foreclosing on the Long Island mansion owned by Victoria Gotti, the 46-year-old daughter of Mafia boss John Gotti. In related news...the JP Morgan bank has just been found floating in the East River.
Seth Meyers
15 Likes
A Philadelphia museum has rejected a request to test its sample of Abraham Lincoln's blood to see if the 16th president had a rare genetic disorder. Which is weird, because I thought we were pretty clear on cause of death.
Seth Meyers
17 Likes
A pair of identical twins in China married another pair of identical twins. What are the odds of that? Actually, in China, about 3 to 1.
Seth Meyers
2 Likes
Police in California arrested a man who tried to smuggle songbirds into the US by strapping more than a dozen birds to his legs and trying to walk out of the Los Angeles Airport. Police became suspicious when they noticed the man was twittering without a blackberry.
Seth Meyers
1 Likes
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ESPN is reporting that the drug that resulted in Manny Ramirez's suspension from baseball was a fertility drug. How did a fertility drug make him a better baseball player. That's not his bat.
Seth Meyers
4 Likes
Pope Benedict on Friday began his first trip to the Middle East in hopes that the Catholic Church can play a role in the region's peace process. And because it's the Middle East, he traveled in the official pope mobile inside another pope mobile.
Seth Meyers
1 Likes
Louis Caldera, the White House Aide who authorized the controversial photograph of Air Force One over Manhattan resigned on Friday. May I suggest that they replace him with PhotoShop. You don't have to fly Air Force One over Manhattan to get a picture of Air Force One over Manhattan. Look here's Air Force One at the pyramids. Here it is in a crowded elevator. And here it is on the red carpet with the Space Shuttle. And of course there is the popular children's book, 'Where's Air Force One?'
Seth Meyers
5 Likes
Police in Germany scrambled helicopters over a forest after getting reports of hysterical sounds that people thought were the cries of someone being murdered, but instead turned out to be someone laughing at a book he was reading. Ah, Germans always confusing laughter and murder
Seth Meyers
9 Likes
A man in Russia, who drank three bottles of vodka and survived a 50 foot fall from a balcony after he jumped to get away from his nagging wife, survived a second jump after his wife continued to nag him. I don't know what brand of vodka it was, but that should be the commercial for it.
Seth Meyers
9 Likes
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Evanger's Dog and Cat food company has released a line of kosher food for pets. In this case kosher means that all of the food has been blessed by a rabbit.
Seth Meyers
3 Likes
Developers this week introduced the PUMA, a new two-wheeled, two-seat electric vehicle that they say is a fast, safe and clean way to show people that you're a rich weirdo.
Seth Meyers
5 Likes
A new study finds that almost one in five American 4 year olds are obese. Thanks in no small part to new Lunchables Extreme.
Seth Meyers
6 Likes
President Obama on Thursday night hosted what may be the first Seder in the White House. And, in a sign of popularity, Elijah showed up.
Seth Meyers
2 Likes
A New York businessman is launching a new kosher tequila in time for Cinco de Mayo. 'Finally,' said Pablo Goldberg.
Seth Meyers
5 Likes
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