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Dennis Miller Quotes & Sayings
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45 entries tagged including 19 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
Dennis Miller Topics
Religion
Cities
People
Politicians
Parents
Language
Global Warming
Clocks
Parenthood
Funny
Death
Money
Hollywood
Work
Jokes
Government
Chess
Christmas
QUOTES
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Dennis Miller
32 Likes
Funny quotes
Christmas quotes
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The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
Dennis Miller
13 Likes
Funny quotes
Work quotes
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.
Dennis Miller
24 Likes
Funny quotes
Work quotes
The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board.
Dennis Miller
8 Likes
Funny quotes
People quotes
And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.
Dennis Miller
11 Likes
Politicians quotes
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Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways
Dennis Miller
4 Likes
Parents quotes
I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting pageantry of the adjective and the flitting evanescence of the adverb, all kept safe and orderly by those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks. Wow! Think I got my a.. kicked in high school?
Dennis Miller
8 Likes
Language quotes
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
Dennis Miller
25 Likes
Global Warming quotes
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.
Dennis Miller
3 Likes
Clocks quotes
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
Dennis Miller
8 Likes
Cities quotes
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You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
Dennis Miller
10 Likes
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
Dennis Miller
9 Likes
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.
Dennis Miller
7 Likes
What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
Dennis Miller
2 Likes
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
Dennis Miller
3 Likes
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There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Dennis Miller
4 Likes
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
Dennis Miller
5 Likes
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
Dennis Miller
6 Likes
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
Dennis Miller
4 Likes
The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.
Dennis Miller
1 Likes
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