Family Guy Quotes & Sayings

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Total: 33 Quotes

I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. Youre my silver medal. -Peter Griffin

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All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. -Peter Griffin

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Theres always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and its not so much that I want to kill her, its just, I want her not to be alive anymore. -Stewie Griffin

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Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please save our dog. -Peter Griffin

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You know, I rather like this God fellow. Hes very theatrical. A little pestilence here, a plague there... Omnipotence...got to get me some of that. -Stewie Griffin

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And Joe, Ive had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since youre half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I cant even measure. -Peter Griffin

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$Suggest Revision: And Joe, Ive had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since youre half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I cant even measure. -Peter Griffin$

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Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first. -Peter Griffin

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Tonight theres a new reality show on Fox: Fast Animals, Slow Children. -Peter Griffin

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Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. Ill give you a hint: its in my diaper, and its not a toaster. -Stewie Griffin

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Brian Griffin: Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP?

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