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Family Guy Quotes & Sayings
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33 entries tagged including 7 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
Family Guy Topics
Funny
Money
Dating
Sex
Vulgarity
Witty
QUOTES
Lois: Good, I dont have to cook. Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and well throw it out. I dont want you to get rusty. -Family Guy
Family Guy
318 Likes
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Peter: Oh my god, Brian, theres a message in my Alphabits. It says, Oooooo. Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. -Family Guy
Family Guy
396 Likes
Counselor: Id like to put video cameras in every room of your house so that I can observe your uncensored behavior. Peter: Wow, just like that show Big Brother...except somebodyll be watching. -Family Guy
Family Guy
340 Likes
I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. Youre my silver medal. -Peter Griffin
Family Guy
38 Likes
Theres always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and its not so much that I want to kill her, its just, I want her not to be alive anymore. -Stewie Griffin
Family Guy
31 Likes
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All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. -Peter Griffin
Family Guy
33 Likes
Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please save our dog. -Peter Griffin
Family Guy
35 Likes
You know, I rather like this God fellow. Hes very theatrical. A little pestilence here, a plague there... Omnipotence...got to get me some of that. -Stewie Griffin
Family Guy
20 Likes
And Joe, Ive had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since youre half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I cant even measure. -Peter Griffin
Family Guy
20 Likes
Brian Griffin: Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP?
Family Guy
22 Likes
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Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow.
Family Guy
172 Likes
Dating quotes
Funny quotes
Witty quotes
Sex quotes
Vulgarity quotes
Humor quotes
Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. Ill give you a hint: its in my diaper, and its not a toaster. -Stewie Griffin
Family Guy
19 Likes
Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first. -Peter Griffin
Family Guy
20 Likes
Tonight theres a new reality show on Fox: Fast Animals, Slow Children. -Peter Griffin
Family Guy
15 Likes
It doesn't matter if you're black or white... the only color that really matters is green.
Family Guy
26 Likes
Funny quotes
Money quotes
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I want pancakes! God, do you people understand every language except English? Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez moi pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes! -Stewie Griffin
Family Guy
27 Likes
Dear diary: Jackpot. -Glen Quagmire
Family Guy
21 Likes
Chris: Hey, little dude, you want some ice cream? Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you...
Family Guy
10 Likes
Stewie: What the hell is this? Lois: Sweetie, thats tuna salad. Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.
Family Guy
8 Likes
When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah...ow. Oh, now I dont know math. -Chris Griffin
Family Guy
21 Likes
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