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Family Guy Quotes & Sayings
33 entries tagged including 7 subtopics.
Last updated Feb 2021
Family Guy Topics
Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow.
It doesn't matter if you're black or white... the only color that really matters is green.
Brian Griffin: Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP?
Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
Police blotter: We have a gang shooting on 3rd and Main. Three wounded, one dead. Brian: Is it just me or is rap getting lazier?
Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West? Adam West: How do you know my language?
Stewie: What the hell is this? Lois: Sweetie, thats tuna salad. Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.
Quagmire: Hey there, Gorgeous, how old are you? Connie: Sixteen. Quagmire: Eighteen? Connie: Mom! Quagmire: I Like where this is goin!
Lois: Peter, why would they make you president? Peter: Maybe its because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second...RARF! Lois: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
Peter: Cant we tell them that your mother died? Lois: Peter, Im not gonna lie about something like that. Peter: All right, all right, Ill kill your mother.
Lois: Good, I dont have to cook. Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and well throw it out. I dont want you to get rusty. -Family Guy
Counselor: Id like to put video cameras in every room of your house so that I can observe your uncensored behavior. Peter: Wow, just like that show Big Brother...except somebodyll be watching. -Family Guy
Chris: Hey, little dude, you want some ice cream? Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you...
Peter: Oh my god, Brian, theres a message in my Alphabits. It says, Oooooo. Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. -Family Guy
I think the lesson here is, it really doesnt matter where youre from, as long as were all the same religion. -Peter Griffin
Im so hungry I could ride a horse. I dont get it. Well, I could ride it to the store, I guess. -Chris Griffin
When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah...ow. Oh, now I dont know math. -Chris Griffin
Tonight theres a new reality show on Fox: Fast Animals, Slow Children. -Peter Griffin
Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first. -Peter Griffin
Hey, Meg, you eighteen yet? -Glen Quagmire
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