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Dear Facebook, thanks for reminding me why moving away from my hometown was the best decision ever.
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When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a friends Facebook account: 'I LOVE D*CK IN MY MOUTH!'
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I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
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Are you free tomorrow? No, Im fu..ing expensive.
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
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If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.
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The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
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I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
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Unless your name is GOOGLE...stop acting like you KNOW EVERYTHING...
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Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
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You can't be late until you show up.
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I hate weddings. Old people would poke me saying You're next. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, You're next.
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