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I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie di..s
Zach Galifianakis
5 Likes
5 Comments
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My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing
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I like to go to really bad movies, during their sixth week, and there's only one other person in the theatre, and I like to sit right next to them. And they're like, 'excuse me?', and I'm like, 'Shhh, I can't hear Keanu.'
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You know you're an alcoholic when the bartender knows your name... and you've never been to that bar before.
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When you look like I do, it's hard to get a table for one at Chuck E. Cheese.
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I never really did the club stuff; I'm really kind of a wimp that way. I just stay mostly in Los Angeles and perform in front of people wearing ironic T-shirts. That or a few goth chicks.
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I was talking to my mom the other day, and she called me a weirdo. It was the first time I'd ever heard her say that, and I told her that I thought she was weird. So we got that out of the way. I think that I could be in porno, but as long as I was flying my parents around, they wouldn't really care.
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I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horsesh...
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I feel that living your life in contradiction keeps one confused and happy... It makes me laugh when people miscommunicate. I like walking over bridges and hate Donald Trump or anything like him. The entertainment business is both poison and honey.
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I am not really into porn. I have always wanted to go to a table read for a porn though. If I were to pick a genre it would have to be kitty porn often confused with you-know-what.
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It was in the back of a hamburger joint in Times Square. I did a joke about not wanting to sleep on a girl's futon because it rhymed with crouton. I do not recall anyone laughing.
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