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I thought 'RV' stood for 'Recreational Vehicle.' No! It stands for 'Ruins Vacations.'
Bill Engvall
4 Likes
4 Comments
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You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say 'My Bad!'
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I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.
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Go 'it wasn't my fault, it was Captain Morgan!' And my wife goes 'Oh, like when Jose Cuervo made you ride the floor buffer?',and I said 'Exactly!'
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I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage.' Number two: 'We have medication for this.' And number three: 'It was more than an ounce and he was less than a hundred yards from the school.'
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My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world.
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I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
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This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says 'you like baseball?' I said, 'Oh, man, I love baseball.' So he goes 'Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?' Like I'm gonna argue with that logic. So I sat there for a second, and then I said 'did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?' He left.
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Hat's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men.
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