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Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.
Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.
I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
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