The Main Reason Santa Is So Jolly Is Because He Knows Where All The Bad Girls Live.

Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while. (X) fu.. it. I'll buy my own sh...

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Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Johnny Carson

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The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

Joan Rivers

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Unknown

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I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.

Shirley Temple

44 Likes

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Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"

Arlo Guthrie

21 Likes

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