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Phyllis Diller Quotes & Sayings
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52 entries tagged including 34 subtopics.
Last updated Apr 2024
Phyllis Diller Topics
Funny
Bachelors
Christmas Humor
Humorous Christmas
Funny Christmas Card
Mom
Mothers Day
Jokes
Negative Friendship
Teachers And Teaching
Mothers
Cooking
Baseball
Housekeeping
Mistakes
Men
Ghetto
Women
Money
Advice
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Beauty
Frustration
Anger
Parents
Smiling
Smile
Age
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Marriage
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Teaching
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Funny Christmas
QUOTES
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
5 Likes
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
7 Likes
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
1 Likes
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
8 Likes
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
Phyllis Diller
4 Likes
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller
2 Likes
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
2 Likes
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller
3 Likes
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
2 Likes
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
4 Likes
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller
6 Likes
Housekeeping quotes
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
Phyllis Diller
6 Likes
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
3 Likes
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
3 Likes
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
5 Likes
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Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
Phyllis Diller
7 Likes
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
2 Likes
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once
Phyllis Diller
10 Likes
Mistakes quotes
Bachelors quotes
Men quotes
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
Phyllis Diller
33 Likes
Money quotes
Ghetto quotes
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.
Phyllis Diller
6 Likes
Advice quotes
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