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Phyllis Diller Quotes & Sayings

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52 entries tagged including 34 subtopics.
Last updated Mar 2023

Phyllis Diller Topics

QUOTES

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

42 Likes

Funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas Card quotes

Humorous Christmas quotes

Christmas Humor quotes

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I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

37 Likes

Mothers Day quotes

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

10 Likes

Negative Friendship quotes

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

21 Likes

Children quotes

Teachers And Teaching quotes

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

27 Likes

Children quotes

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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

28 Likes

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

7 Likes

Baseball quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

10 Likes

Mistakes quotes

Bachelors quotes

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

2 Likes

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

6 Likes

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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

9 Likes

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

2 Likes

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

4 Likes

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

2 Likes

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

3 Likes

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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

7 Likes

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

3 Likes

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

3 Likes

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

4 Likes

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

6 Likes

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