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A book does not make bad jokes, drink too much or eat more than you can afford to pay for.
Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?
George Bernard Shaw
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
New opinions often appear first as jokes and fancies, then as blasphemies and treason, then as questions open to discussion, and finally as established truths.
George Bernard Shaw
Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh - anything but work.
And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!
So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
So I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.'
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