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George Carlin Quotes & Sayings
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118 entries tagged including 75 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
George Carlin Topics
God
Driving
Moon
Addiction
Advertising
Animals
Children
Death And Dying
Possibility
Authority
Baseball
Humor
Euphemism
Christian
Alcohol
Libraries
Family
Memory
Mothers
Reason
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Singers And Singing
Self-esteem
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Life
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Truth
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Women
Politics
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Death
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Controversy
Drugs
Humanity
QUOTES
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
10 Likes
Humor quotes
Church quotes
Nations quotes
Separation quotes
Sponsored Links
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work
George Carlin
6 Likes
Smile quotes
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
George Carlin
6 Likes
Self-esteem quotes
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
5 Likes
Singers And Singing quotes
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
George Carlin
5 Likes
Reason quotes
Sponsored Links
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
6 Likes
Humor quotes
Church quotes
Nations quotes
Separation quotes
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball
George Carlin
0 Likes
Movies quotes
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
10 Likes
Children quotes
Memory quotes
Family quotes
Mothers quotes
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
George Carlin
5 Likes
Libraries quotes
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.
George Carlin
11 Likes
Thinking quotes
Independence quotes
Free Thinking quotes
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fu..
George Carlin
61 Likes
Humor quotes
Funny quotes
Alcohol quotes
Women quotes
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... ...and you finish off as an orgasm.
George Carlin
168 Likes
Life quotes
Humor quotes
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
5 Likes
Humor quotes
Church quotes
Nations quotes
Separation quotes
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
George Carlin
4 Likes
Humor quotes
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.
George Carlin
5 Likes
Thinking quotes
Independence quotes
Free Thinking quotes
Sponsored Links
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
George Carlin
8 Likes
Euphemism quotes
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac
George Carlin
24 Likes
Funny quotes
Driving quotes
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
67 Likes
Humorfunny quotes
Driving quotes
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with
George Carlin
12 Likes
Funny quotes
Drugs quotes
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with
George Carlin
2 Likes
Drugs quotes
Funny quotes
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