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George Carlin Quotes & Sayings

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118 entries tagged including 75 subtopics.
Last updated Sep 2023

George Carlin Topics

QUOTES

The Religious Right dislikes both abortions and homos..uality. But who has fewer abortions than gays?

40 Likes

Funny Gay quotes

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Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

39 Likes

Tolerance quotes

Religion quotes

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

19 Likes

Perspective quotes

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

22 Likes

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

17 Likes

Medicine quotes

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The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

23 Likes

Dishonesty quotes

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

85 Likes

Funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas Card quotes

Humorous Christmas quotes

Short Christmas quotes

Christmas Humor quotes

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

21 Likes

Friendship quotes

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were having a swan. You get more stuffing.

4 Likes

Thanksgiving quotes

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.

2 Likes

Thanksgiving quotes

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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

41 Likes

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

25 Likes

Famous Holiday quotes

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

16 Likes

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". F*ck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What should I eat, someone else's cake instead?

42 Likes

Sarcastic Life quotes

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

25 Likes

Funny Friendship quotes

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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.

10 Likes

Religion is just mind control

5 Likes

Religion quotes

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

44 Likes

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day

2 Likes

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

5 Likes

Solution quotes

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