If I Were 26 And This Was Happening, It Would Be All Great, And I Would Probably Buy Like 17 Dodge Vipers. But Right Now It's Just A Major Inconvenience.

If I were 26 and this was happening, it would be all great, and I would probably buy like 17 Dodge Vipers. But right now it's just a major inconvenience.

Zach Galifianakis

3 Likes

3 Comments

My brother was torturous, I guess, but in a funny way. He used to say to me, 'I'm giving you a gag order,' then stuff his dirty underpants into my mouth. He used to drag me stark naked across the lawn, then hold me up by my ankles for the passing cars to see.

Zach Galifianakis

18 Likes

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I love to do shows in unlikely places, because the audience's expectations are less fixed.

Zach Galifianakis

2 Likes

Wherever there's something that people don't feel comfortable talking about, that's where the good jokes are...A bad comic follows his audience, catering to whatever they want; a good comic will always lead.

Zach Galifianakis

5 Likes

This year my New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'Seacrest out!' after I ejaculate.

Zach Galifianakis

42 Likes

New Year Resolutions quotes

New Years Resolutions quotes

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