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Tommy Cooper Quotes & Sayings
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25 entries tagged including 11 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
Tommy Cooper Topics
Funny
Jokes
Books
Money
Dogs
Driving
Music
Painting
Life
Sleep
QUOTES
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
72 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
Sponsored Links
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Tommy Cooper
70 Likes
Funny quotes
Driving quotes
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
52 Likes
Funny quotes
Sleep quotes
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
72 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
Tommy Cooper
44 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
Sponsored Links
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
44 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
41 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
10 Likes
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Tommy Cooper
8 Likes
Life quotes
Funny quotes
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
Tommy Cooper
4 Likes
Sponsored Links
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Tommy Cooper
5 Likes
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
Tommy Cooper
3 Likes
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you give me a lift? I said Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.
Tommy Cooper
5 Likes
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
3 Likes
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
4 Likes
Sponsored Links
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Tommy Cooper
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Dogs quotes
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.
Tommy Cooper
2 Likes
Money quotes
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
1 Likes
I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
Tommy Cooper
3 Likes
Music quotes
Painting quotes
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
1 Likes
Books quotes
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