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Tommy Cooper Quotes & Sayings
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25 entries tagged including 11 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
Tommy Cooper Topics
Funny
Jokes
Books
Money
Dogs
Driving
Music
Painting
Life
Sleep
QUOTES
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
52 Likes
Funny quotes
Sleep quotes
Sponsored Links
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Tommy Cooper
8 Likes
Life quotes
Funny quotes
I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
Tommy Cooper
3 Likes
Music quotes
Painting quotes
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Tommy Cooper
70 Likes
Funny quotes
Driving quotes
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Tommy Cooper
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Dogs quotes
Sponsored Links
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
Tommy Cooper
4 Likes
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you give me a lift? I said Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.
Tommy Cooper
5 Likes
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
4 Likes
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Tommy Cooper
0 Likes
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
10 Likes
Sponsored Links
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
1 Likes
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
Tommy Cooper
3 Likes
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
3 Likes
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Tommy Cooper
5 Likes
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.
Tommy Cooper
2 Likes
Money quotes
Sponsored Links
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
1 Likes
Books quotes
Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
21 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
Tommy Cooper
44 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
72 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
Tommy Cooper
20 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
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