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Comedy Quotes About Funny
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18 Comedy quotes tagged with Funny.
QUOTES
Wal-Mart: The only place on earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life what not to wear episode...
Rick Sutter
20 Likes
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Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'
Mitch Hedberg
27 Likes
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
28 Likes
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Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
11 Likes
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Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
20 Likes
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld
30 Likes
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My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.
Mitch Hedberg
6 Likes
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I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
Mitch Hedberg
38 Likes
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I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Mitch Hedberg
7 Likes
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.
Mitch Hedberg
8 Likes
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I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...
Mitch Hedberg
19 Likes
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Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
30 Likes
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Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework
Bill Cosby
285 Likes
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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams
27 Likes
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I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
Mitch Hedberg
163 Likes
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I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Mitch Hedberg
24 Likes
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Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
Bill Cosby
58 Likes
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Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework
Bill Cosby
114 Likes
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