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Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!!
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511 Likes
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Are you free tomorrow? No, Im fu..ing expensive.
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I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
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Facebook is like a relationship: Faithful on your wall, but cheating in their inbox...
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Facebook is that insecure chick that keeps changing her hairstyle &/or color until she finally loses her mind and shaves it & scares everyone.
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Before sex.. you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're fu..ed.
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If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.
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Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position.
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I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
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I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.
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Unless your name is GOOGLE...stop acting like you KNOW EVERYTHING...
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When going to work has become a nice break from Facebook, it's safe to say you're a Facebook junkie.
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I hate weddings. Old people would poke me saying You're next. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, You're next.
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