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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.
I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.
The fastest way to make your own Anti-freeze is to hide her nightgown.
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
Being Taken For Granted
Death And Dying
Funny Facebook Status
I Love You
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