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Steven Wright Quotes & Sayings

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107 entries tagged including 27 subtopics.
Last updated Dec 2023

Steven Wright Topics

Funny
Reverie
High School
Memories
Dating
Morning
Shit Happens
Prizes
Irony
Humor
Canada
Museums
Bankers And Banks
Curiosity
Employees
Love
Books
Wisdom
Friends
Restaurants

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Sarcastic
Jokes
Life
Age
God
Swimming

QUOTES

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

18 Likes

Swimming quotes

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When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said, 'The middle of August? Cool!'

101 Likes

High School quotes

Memories quotes

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

45 Likes

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

54 Likes

Shit Happens quotes

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

27 Likes

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You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

6 Likes

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

3 Likes

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I said No, I made a few mistakes.

16 Likes

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, Well, what do you need?

6 Likes

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

5 Likes

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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

0 Likes

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

6 Likes

What's another word for Thesaurus?

1 Likes

What a nice night for an evening.

4 Likes

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

2 Likes

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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

8 Likes

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

2 Likes

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

18 Likes

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

9 Likes

So, do you live around here often?

0 Likes

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