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Steven Wright Quotes & Sayings
107 entries tagged including 27 subtopics.
Last updated Aug 2020
Steven Wright Topics
Bankers And Banks
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said, 'The middle of August? Cool!'
High School quotes
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.
Shit Happens quotes
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I said No, I made a few mistakes.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, Well, what do you need?
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
What a nice night for an evening.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
So, do you live around here often?
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