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If you have ever typed 'sorry not sorry' I hope you die...not sorry.
Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble. Bring your own book...I haven't written one yet.
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a 2nd chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit.
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
Im Done With You
Keeping It Real
Listen To Your Heart
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