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American Dad Quotes & Sayings
30 entries tagged including 1 subtopics.
Last updated Jun 2021
American Dad Topics
Man: You are all going to live... (Smith family cheers) Man: ... for 24 more hours. Which is just enough time for you to learn not to interrupt someone when they're talking.
Stan: Francine, I want you to stop this nonsense. Francine: "Nonsense"? This job is my career. Stan: No, my job is a career. This is just some silly housewife's hobby. Francine: Oh, yeah? Well, this silly housewife loves her "hobby." She's good at it. In fact, she kicks ass! So, her big career-man husband is just going to have to deal with it. Stan: I could have assassinated you! Francine: What? Stan: Nothing.
Hayley: Dad, you're a weapons expert! When was the last time you fought someone hand-to-hand? Stan: Don't worry, Hayley. It's just like beating up a bicycle.
Stan: (After seeing Scab Bum) Who the hell is that? Steve: He doesn't have a name. Stan: What? Steve: He killed his own name.
Steve: I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin. Francine: Aw, sweetie, there was a 70-80% chance of that happening, anyway.
Stan: What makes you think you're gonna survive? Roger: My species is immune to all human ailments. Stan: So explain that cold sore. Roger: Mind your own business!
Man: Good news. Apparently, that batch of virus was inert, so that means... Stan: We're going to be okay. Man: Yes, although apparently your manners died years ago. (Pause) You're welcome.
Stan: You unionized the homeless?! Hayley: Yep, this is the Fighting Bums Local 302. (Bums start cheering) Hayley: Here are our demands. Stan: "Longer red lights at freeway off-ramps, free doggy day care, human dignity"? I can't meet these demands.
Steve: I can't believe you muscled out your own son. You stink, dad. Stan: Oh, come on, what's more important, your hopes and dreams, or me making more than your mother?!
Stan: Uh, excuse me, are you Francine's boss? Man: Yes. Stan: (Into wrist communicator) Go! Go! Go! You're all under arrest. Man: For what? Stan: Possession of cocaine donuts. Man: Those are powdered sugar. Stan: Put it in a rap song, jailbird. This office is permanently closed. Man: What are you saying? Stan: I'm saying you're fired. Donald Trump: (Clearing throat) Stan: Oh, for God's sake. Somebody pay Mr. Trump.
Stan: Francine, what the hell is going on? You were fired. (Donald Trump comes in) Stan: That's passive past tense, Trump! You don't own that!
Francine: This is a wonderful starter home. I've been saving it for a couple just like you. Woman: Pretty soon, we're gonna be more than a couple. Francine: Oh, congratulations! I just thought you were fat. Woman: We're adopting.
Greg: First time the threat level's been blue. Just like my handsome co-anchor's lovely eyes. Terry: Stop it. Greg: Come on now, we've talked about this. Learn to take compliments. Terry: Thank you.
Terry: Actually, Greg married once. Greg: I was confused. Is that why you're here, Stan? Are you confused?
CIA Man 1: Hey, wanna get baked and ride the escalators at the mall? CIA Man 2: Do I!
Klaus: You know what looks good to me? Francine bent over that sink. Francine: Klaus, calm down.
Hayley: It's just toast, Dad. Stan: This time it was toast, Hayley. This time.
Stan: Here's your allowance, champ! Steve: Wow... a whole five bucks. Stan: Yeah, I'm gonna need change.
Roger: Oh, don't everybody help at once. Francine: My goodness, Roger! When was the last time you weighed yourself? Roger: Oh, oh, ow. Ow, Francine. You know, we can't all look like those anorexic aliens on the James Cameron movies. Francine: I'm sorry, Roger, but I'm putting you on a diet. Starting today, no more junk food. (Takes Roger's donut) Roger: What?! No, not my Frankenberries! Oh, Francine! Please be reasonable! (Gets on table trying to get his donuts, breaks table) Oh, God! I got a bear claw in my ass!
Girl: Hey, I love your dog. Guy: Hey, want to come back to my apartment and pet my schnauzer? Girl: Okay. Guy: And then we can play with this dog.
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