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Jay London Quotes & Sayings

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35 entries tagged including 2 subtopics.
Last updated Jun 2023

Jay London Topics

QUOTES

You know what burns me? Matches.

0 Likes

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They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

1 Likes

People read me but they don't subscribe.

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My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

2 Likes

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

5 Likes

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My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

13 Likes

My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.

1 Likes

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

1 Likes

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

2 Likes

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

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I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

2 Likes

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

1 Likes

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.

6 Likes

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.

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I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

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I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

4 Likes

I was born nine months premature.

1 Likes

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

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I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.

1 Likes

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

0 Likes

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