Demetri Martin Quotes & Sayings

Subtopics. Find Demetri Martin quotes about:
Total: 31 Quotes
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral.
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
 Swimming quotes 
Suggest Revision: Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
 
 Demetri Martin quotes 
Suggest Revision: The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
 
Sign up to unlock more quotes and new features!
New Updates! (6/19/2013) We've been working really hard on completing our membership system so you can submit quotes and keep track of them. Once this is complete in the coming weeks there will be a lot more quotes by Demetri Martin and other authors. We've also changed the sorting on the site so you now see the latest Demetri Martin quotes first. Our goal is to have the best Demetri Martin quotes on the web!
Quotes by Demetri Martin
quotes by Demetri Martin
Sponsored
Remove Ads
Become a Member!
  • Gain access to thousands of new quotes only available to registered users.
  • Browse the site a lot faster with fewer advertisements.
  • Collect your favorite quotes to access and share at any time.
  • 100% Free! We will never charge you anything and our content is completely user driven!
    • Sponsored
    Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life.
    Copyright © 2013 Searchquotes.com and/or its licensors. All rights reserved. Use of this site is subject to Terms of Service and to our Privacy Policy. Developed by Searchquotes.com.