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Eddie Izzard Quotes & Sayings
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23 entries tagged including 13 subtopics.
Last updated Mar 2024
Eddie Izzard Topics
Funny
Life
Putdowns
Government
Television
Famous
Death
God
Comedy
Philosophy
Humor
War
QUOTES
You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym!
Eddie Izzard
1 Likes
War quotes
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You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym!
Eddie Izzard
2 Likes
Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything When is a house a house? Just chill-out will you? If Im out of the house am I chilling-out? Am I chilling-in if Im in the house? Ugg, ahhh. [Sword stabbing & dying mime]. What is a sword? Is it made of folded metal?' [Wobbly knees]. 'If I die on the floor can I get up in these heels?
Eddie Izzard
12 Likes
Philosophy quotes
Comedy quotes
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the s..: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"
Eddie Izzard
11 Likes
Humor quotes
Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything When is a house a house? Just chill-out will you? If Im out of the house am I chilling-out? Am I chilling-in if Im in the house? Ugg, ahhh. [Sword stabbing & dying mime]. What is a sword? Is it made of folded metal?' [Wobbly knees]. 'If I die on the floor can I get up in these heels?
Eddie Izzard
10 Likes
Comedy quotes
Philosophy quotes
Sponsored Links
It all bottomed out with the Renaissance Period. Ren-ais-sance. Thats Renaissance, FRENCH for re-birth. Re-nais-sance. And thats why most of the Renaissance happened slap bang in the middle of FrItaly.
Eddie Izzard
2 Likes
Comedy quotes
[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand [Speaking] NOT a good idea, youre gonna roll over and cut your bits off.
Eddie Izzard
4 Likes
Comedy quotes
They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
Eddie Izzard
2 Likes
So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
Eddie Izzard
2 Likes
Never put a sock in a toaster.
Eddie Izzard
4 Likes
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MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.
Eddie Izzard
3 Likes
If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.
Eddie Izzard
2 Likes
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
Eddie Izzard
2 Likes
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
Eddie Izzard
3 Likes
Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.
Eddie Izzard
3 Likes
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I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, Oh, my God! What havent I¦? Rwanda! I better create Rwanda! Sorry, havent quite done that¦ The Tower of Pisa! Oh, its leaning¦ Oh, shi¦ done! Toilets in French camping sites¦ there we go. English football hooligans¦ there we go, whatever that is¦ Mrs. Thatchers heart¦ there we go¦ oh, fu.. that! I know, Ill put a stone in, thatll work! There we go¦ The next week, I think, people are coming back, going, Rwanda doesnt work very well; infrastructures fu..ed.
Eddie Izzard
14 Likes
God quotes
So my choice is 'Or Death?
Eddie Izzard
3 Likes
Death quotes
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the s..: Girls girls, ooo. Naturally you want to look your best, and God says No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!
Eddie Izzard
10 Likes
Life quotes
So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for fu.. all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.
Eddie Izzard
26 Likes
Famous quotes
We have archeology on television, and I quite like it; its a sort of detective thing, but its really true, you know its there¦ But its kind of slow on telly, it has this problem of, Weve been here three weeks on live television, and weve taken off about a millimeter of top soil so far¦ Theres men with brushes and beards¦ maybe theyve just got beards, Im not sure¦ We found this and carbon-dated it to last Tuesday, so were very excited¦
Eddie Izzard
56 Likes
Television quotes
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