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Hilarious One Liner For Sel Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Hilarious One Liner For Sel" sorted by relevance. 129 matching entries found.
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My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season.
Unknown
44 Likes
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Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chambers of my brain -- Quaintest thoughts -- queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
Edgar Allan Poe
25 Likes
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Last week I did a thing on the Grammys with a Top 10 list. There was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy Award. The next day, I got a call from a guy who said, 'Lindsay thought the joke was hilarious! She wants to be on your show!'. I said, 'Great!' I called publicity and said, 'Get the press release out immediately!' It went around the world. People said, 'Are you kidding me?! This will be fantastic! This will be like the Super Bowl'... and then Lindsay Lohan says none of this is happening.
David Letterman
6 Likes
The best boyfriend you'll have isn't the best looking, the funniest, or the richest. It's the one that makes you feel gorgeous, hilarious, and like a million dollars. He makes sure you know he loves you.
Unknown
546 Likes
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I used to like watching the Carol Burnett Show. I thought Carol Burnett was very funny. And I liked Madeline Kahn a lot because in my house we were watching a lot of Mel Brooks movies and she was always in them and super funny. And Gilda Radner. I used to like watching Saturday Night Live. I always thought that she was hilarious.
Paul Rudd
14 Likes
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Why is it that Facebook even gives me the option to 'Like' my own status? Of course I like my status. I'm hilarious.
Unknown
618 Likes
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When I was on the red carpet at the VMA's as a contest winner, Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears wouldn't stop to talk to me. You can actually see them blowing me off on camera! The next day on TRL, when Carson asked me about it, I said, 'Whatever, they didn't win anyway.' But my bosses thought it was hilarious. They showed the scenes of Christina blowing me off as one of the top moments on the TRL 'End-of-the-Year Countdown'! Well, a few months later at the Grammys, Christina apologized to me on the air! I was like 'Whoa! She was so nice!'.
Hilarie Burton
20 Likes
So I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ...Shutup. This is Hobbitown and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England, 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shafsbry.' ...Wooooo. 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! ...What if they become roughians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shafsbry tonight. (to the tune of "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who) No one knows what it's like... to be a dustbin... in Shafsbry... with hooligans...' What the HELL are you talkin' ab
Bill Hicks
19 Likes
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So I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ...Shutup. This is Hobbitown and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England, 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shafsbry.' ...Wooooo. 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! ...What if they become roughians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shafsbry tonight. (to the tune of "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who) No one knows what it's like... to be a dustbin... in Shafsbry... with hooligans...' What the HELL are you talkin' ab
Bill Hicks
18 Likes
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