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David Letterman Quotes & Sayings
63 entries tagged including 17 subtopics.
Last updated Mar 2021
David Letterman Topics
America And Americans
I was once involved in a same-sex marriage. There was the same sex over and over and over.
Funny Gay quotes
New York...when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.
Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century.
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist.'
Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the Beverly Hillbillies aired for the first time right here on CBS. They took a little break, then in 1992, they moved into the White House for eight years.
Last week I did a thing on the Grammys with a Top 10 list. There was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy Award. The next day, I got a call from a guy who said, 'Lindsay thought the joke was hilarious! She wants to be on your show!'. I said, 'Great!' I called publicity and said, 'Get the press release out immediately!' It went around the world. People said, 'Are you kidding me?! This will be fantastic! This will be like the Super Bowl'... and then Lindsay Lohan says none of this is happening.
It was stupid behavior. And you take a look at the explosion, and it knocks you down and you wake up every morning and you're scared and you're depressed and sad, and you kind of got to let that knock you down and knock you down.
It turns out I was duped. I have no-one to blame but myself and boy is my face red...Now I need to apologise to the Lindsay Lohan family. I hope I didn't embarrass you and your family.
Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
Mitt Romney looks like an American President in a Canadian movie.
I cannot sing, dance or act. What else would I be but a talk show host?
As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.
I would like to apologize, especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the Governor and her family and everybody else who was outraged by the joke. I'm sorry about it and I'll try to do better in the future.
Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.
Valentines Day quotes
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
America And Americans quotes
New York quotes
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.
New York quotes
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
I Like You
I Really Like You
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