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Steven Wright Funny Quotes
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18 entries tagged Funny quotes by Steven Wright.
Last updated May 2024
Steven Wright Topics
Funny
Reverie
High School
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Dating
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Curiosity
Employees
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QUOTES
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said, 'The middle of August? Cool!'
Steven Wright
101 Likes
Funny quotes
Dating quotes
High School quotes
Memories quotes
Sponsored Links
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
Steven Wright
45 Likes
Funny quotes
Morning quotes
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
27 Likes
Humor quotes
Funny quotes
Irony quotes
Prizes quotes
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
41 Likes
Funny quotes
Books quotes
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Life quotes
Sponsored Links
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Steven Wright
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Wisdom quotes
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
Steven Wright
21 Likes
Funny quotes
Wisdom quotes
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
47 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
Restaurants quotes
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
461 Likes
Funny quotes
Sarcastic quotes
Jokes quotes
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
Steven Wright
72 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
Sponsored Links
How young can you die of old age?
Steven Wright
24 Likes
Funny quotes
Age quotes
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
32 Likes
Funny quotes
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright
81 Likes
Funny quotes
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright
19 Likes
Funny quotes
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
44 Likes
Funny quotes
Sponsored Links
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
59 Likes
Funny quotes
Curiosity quotes
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
43 Likes
Funny quotes
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
46 Likes
Funny quotes
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